Recently, I have been thinking more and more about growing older and what exactly that means to me and what I expect for myself. There was a time when I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 62, when I feared I might die. I was not ready to throw in the towel at 62. I had always said I intended to live to 100 because I want to see how the world turns out.
So, I did what I knew I had to do and I fought cancer. I had chemotherapy, which was arduous and unpleasant. I had 33 radiation treatments during which I had to lay on a table with my breasts exposed while strange people walked around behind me. I learned to divorce myself from my body to prevent embarrassment from being so exposed. I did everything in my power to be healthy again. I ate right, I got plenty of sleep, I spent time with my family. Eventually, it all paid off and I beat cancer.
Once you have had cancer, there is a place in your mind that always says, "just wait for the next shoe to drop", so there is a constant tension. I decided that instead of waiting I would become VERY proactive. I went on a Keto diet which has had success with keeping cancer at bay. I began an exercise program and exercised for 1 hour 5 days a week. I joined a group of people who became my friends and I enjoyed my social activities with them. I decided I wasn't dead yet, so I would choose to live.
Now here I am, age 72. I still intend to live to 100. I still do everything I can to stay healthy. But, somewhere in my head there has been a shift, or a change of attitude about what it means to me to grow older.
I watch my sister, who is only 3 years older than I am, grow weak and feeble. She has serious memory issues and is frequently incapacitated by illness and requires hospitalization. This has become her norm. Is this what I want for myself? Am I a bad sister for not wanting to be like her?
We have always been diametrically opposed in our thoughts and actions. She has been uncaring about her health and just living her life the way it came. I have always been interested in ways to improve health. I love exercise and when I found Keto, I began to feel better with that diet. We have never seen eye to eye on much. It seems, looking back, that I was more the big sister to her because I spent years taking care of her and her children.
But now I am thinking about how I want to spend the rest of my life. Do I want to be healthy? Uh, yes! Do I want to be able to be independent? Uh, yes again!! So what do I need to be doing now to accomplish this?
Ageing today is not the same as it was for my mother and father or my grandparents. There is much scientific investigation into the physical aspects of ageing that show promise in possible slowing down the process or even halting is entirely. There is much scientific investigation into the psychological aspects of ageing that show promise in alleviating some of the negative effects ageing has on your self-worth.
Our society adores youth. It has always been a youth oriented society. Is this a good thing? I don't know. I don't see it changing anytime soon, so we must learn as older adults to make our way in a society that demeans and devalues us. Sad, but true.
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